Sober January is a disaster.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
