If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
