Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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