Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
