Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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