When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
