Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
