We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
