you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
