Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
