Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
