the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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