i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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