i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
