Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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