I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just cropdusted the office
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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