so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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