I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
