Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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