I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
