I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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