i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
