you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
