Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
