Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
