she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
