I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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