found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
People in love make me want to vomit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
