there's paper in my vomit.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
