lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
