I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
