oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
