smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
