I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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