im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
