escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
