We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
