I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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