If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
