So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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