I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
