the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
