I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
