Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
