and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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