I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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