i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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