Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
