I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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