i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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