yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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