He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
